Why We Pursue Busyness And Success + An Alternative
Why are we so busy in our journey to pursue success? And what does it means to live with purpose, instead of pursuing self-achievement?
The Allure of Busyness
A few months ago, I read In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed by Carl Honoré.
…the Slow philosophy can be summed up in a single word: balance. Be fast when it makes sense to be fast, and be slow when slowness is called for. Seek to live at what musicians call the tempo guisto — the right speed.
Carl Honoré
In addition to reading that book, over the past few months I have also:
- Experienced being in solo quarantine and going through multiple lockdowns due to the current pandemic.
- Spent 1 hour a week for the past 8 weeks with a mindfulness coach, learning how to be more mindful and more present.
These experiences, and the ideas I read about in the book (about the importance of slowing down, taking back control over our time, and prioritizing quality, over quantity of experiences) have acted as a sort of “reset” button for the way I spend my time.
For most of my life, I’ve rushed from one thing to another, I frequently struggled with anxiety, I had trouble sleeping, most of my days lacked joy, I made careless mistakes from being on “autopilot”, and perhaps most regrettably, I made damaging decisions that hurt others.
Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. — Søren Kierkegaard
Learning to slow down and be more mindful has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself. In the past few months, I’ve been unlearning a lot of unhelpful habits. I’ve been trying to be more intentional about cultivating mindfulness as an antidote to the mindless, frantic pace at which so many of us live our lives.
Questions on my mind lately are questions like:
- Are we busy because we like being busy, or because it gives us a sense of validation?
- What if who we are is already enough?
- Without striving or achievement, do we trust that being ourselves is enough?
If I’m honest with myself, a part of me is afraid. Afraid that if I don’t keep pushing myself, I will lose my edge. I will become complacent. In my head, I know that one can be driven by a sense of purpose versus a need for validation. But perhaps a part of me is also afraid I don’t really know what my purpose is.
Rethinking Vocation: Not Something to Pursue, But Something to Listen For
These themes prompted me to re-read Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. In this book, the author explores the dilemma of whether you should pursue a career that:
- ‘solves the problems of the world’ and aligns with your professed values (i.e. values we choose), or
- one that brings you peace and aligns with your nature (i.e. a God-given nature that we DON’T choose and is already there).
He shares his journey of building a long and decorated career within the walls of institutions. For most of his career, he struggles with angst and frustration at institutional bureaucracy. Finally, he realizes his calling is to be a teacher, not within an institution, but outside its walls.
He comes to the conclusion that instead of choosing a career based on his self-professed values, there is an innate nature he has already been imbued with. It’s a nature he cannot ignore. He starts to turn his quest for career fulfillment inwards, instead of outwards. And by listening to his reactions, instincts, bodily cues, and emotions, he comes to accept who he already is. Ultimately, he makes a career pivot that brings deep meaning and fulfillment.
Some thought provoking quotes from the book:
…the willful pursuit of vocation is an act of violence toward ourselves — violence in the name of a vision that, however lofty, is forced on the self from without rather than grown from within. True self, when violated, will always resist us, sometimes at great cost, holding our lives in check until we honor its truth. Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening.
Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear. Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am. I must listen for the truths and values at the heart of my own identity, not the standards by which I must live — but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life.
Self-denial is Essential to Greatness: A Misguided Notion?
I also re-watched The Adjustment Bureau last night which explored themes of how much free will we have, and whether fate is controlled by ‘the gods’. Throughout the movie, the main character gets “course-corrected”, or “adjusted” again and again. It turns out that “The Plan” the powers that be have for him is for him to go on to greatness and become the next US president.
As the movie unfolds, he keeps veering off-course from The Plan to pursue the girl he loves. One day, he finds out about the people trying to control his life, and asks them why they are so hellbent on keeping him from that one girl.
The reply he gets?
It’s because she’s enough, David. If you have her you might not need to fill the void inside you with votes and applause and dreams of one day becoming President…
Of course, the movie ends happily. The protagonist pushes back against these divine powers. He believes their plan is wrong and that he can pursue love and achieve greatness, without sacrificing one for the other. In the end, The Bureau leaves him free to pursue his own fate. They come to realize that he is one of the few human beings who finally appreciates and understands the value of free will and consequences, because it is something he was willing to fight, die, and risk everything for.
It made me pause to think of the common wisdom, like the wisdom of “The Bureau”, I have so readily believed. For example: “Slowing down, and making space for things like love and beauty and rest and play — will make me soft, ineffective, and irrelevant.” Or, “There are sacrifices one needs to make on the road to greatness.”
Purpose and Vocation Driven By Love
But what if our great acts were not driven from a place of lack or a need to fill the void inside? What if they came instead from a place of love? Imagine if we made the world a better place, not because it makes us feel important… but because we know we have a unique gift to offer that no one else has.
What would that kind of world look like?
Maybe the acts we’d achieve would be even greater than making “Top 100” lists or winning awards that will be forgotten in months. Maybe they’d look more like the acts of people animated by love, whose stories we tell for generations to come.
I know as I turn into the fourth decade on my life, these are questions I’m exploring. Thankfully, there are many inspiring people to learn from and follow in the footsteps of:
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it.” “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
“I believe in prayer. I believe in gratitude and serving people.” “Empowered women who reach tough or unconventional positions make choices, not sacrifices.” — Kiran Bedi
